Living in the Moment, Being Positive, Self Care, Social Media, Toastmasters and Powtoon with Wendy Capewell, Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Counsellor at Copewell Therapies.
What We Recommended:
Tools & Apps
- Asana – “I use that for my own tasks, but I also use it in conjunction with someone who helps me with my online marketing. He will set up the tasks, remind me what I need to do, and then I can put that, whatever I’ve done, into the app. It means that all my tasks are listed, and you can list them under different projects too.”
- Scannable – “It’s an app that I have which means that I don’t have to collect business cards at network meetings. I can just scan it. It then goes into my contact details. If they’re on LinkedIn, you actually get the LinkedIn connection on your phone too.“
- Periscope – live video recorded and broadcast on your Smartphone “The other thing I’ve just got, and I haven’t really used it, although we did use it at a workshop that I ran with a couple of others a month ago now.”
- PowToon – “It’s an animation program, and you can use it free. I’ve got it as an introduction. I’ve made an introduction on my website. It’s fun to use. If you enjoy technology and using these little characters and so on, it’s great fun.”
- Facebook – “Some people frown on Facebook, but I find that some of the groups there can be really good. I’m actually part of a therapist group. There’s lots of people exchanging information and offering advice. Those kinds of things I can pick up from there.“
- Twitter – “I’ve started using Twitter more, and the one thing that I’ve started doing is I’ve got my own hashtag. It means that whenever you put a post on, say, Facebook, social media, Twitter, then if they click on that hashtag, it brings up all the articles and posts that are under that hashtag. My hashtag is #unstoppableconfidence”
- Toastmasters – “I’ve also joined a Toastmasters group, which I’m going to … I’m doing my first talk this evening. I wanted to be able to present public speaking better, which I’m doing more of now, so I thought I’d join the Toastmasters. Whilst it can be quite formal and very, very structured, and I had to get my head around it a bit, but I also find it great fun.”
- POWER to Live More Newsletter – “I always find your newsletters fascinating. I really enjoy. I look forward to reading them, so they’re great. I also pick up your tips, because you’ve usually got a little nugget in there somewhere in your newsletter. I search for it.”
- Spotify – “I’ve recently discovered Spotify. I really love that, because you can just pick from an era or a particular artist or just choose the type of music, so that you want relaxing music or if you want dance music. It’s free.
- Working three days a week – “Generally I found that I was trying to satisfy my clients’ needs rather than … and work around them, which made my life pretty disjointed. I wasn’t very focused then or very organised. I would find that I didn’t get things done particularly well. By having more focus and organising my week better, I find that I get more done, and I’m better organised too.”
- Health Routines – “I do have breakfast every morning. I do do some exercise. I may go for a walk. Yes, I like to get myself prepared for the day. I guess not meditation, but those positive thoughts about how my day is going to be and looking forward to it. I like to start my day feeling positive, and generally I do, because I do love my life and I’m really passionate about what I do too, so that all helps.”
- Painting and Drawing – “One of my hobbies is painting or drawing. I believed as a child, I was hopeless at art. About 7 years ago, I decided to join an art class and see if I could be taught how to paint and draw. I really, really love it. I find it’s a great way of unwinding.
- Speaking Tip (from Jo) – Ian Hughes spoke at a conference and gave a lot of information about how to prepare for speaking and so on. He’s an actor, as well as a speaker, but one of the things he talked about was about, firstly, about when you get that adrenaline when you’re really nervous before you speak, to go and press against the wall as if you were trying to push the wall over, and do that 3 or 4 times.
- Speaking Tip “The other thing that they say is really good is to do a power stance, a bit like Wonder Woman, so that you really pump yourself up and get yourself in that frame of mind that you’re positive”
- Opening your Heart and Mind to New Things – “I love exploring, just going to different events and trying new things. Yeah, bring it on. It’s almost like everything is new, everything’s exciting, and I try not to say, “No, I can’t do it.” I say yes, and worry about it afterwards. I find that I’ve had so many opportunities that have come to me just by opening my heart and my mind to new things and trying them out.”
- Mindful Eating – “I set aside a time to have lunch and try to eat it without doing things, because I think we get into that habit of multitasking, and then we don’t notice what we’re eating. That can lead to eating all the wrong foods as well.”
- Sleep – “I love my sleep anyway, so I do go to bed at a reasonable time. I make sure that I get a good healthy sleep in as much as possible. I don’t function if I’m really tired, so it isn’t worth it.”
- Learning – “I think from a learning perspective of my business, then I do attend workshops and read and so on to improve my knowledge, because I think that’s really important, to keep up to date so that I can provide the best possible service. Continued professional development is really important for me. I do belong to associations and have memberships, and they demand that too.”
- Don’t Beat Yourself Up – “I’ve learnt not to beat myself up. I can get frustrated, but I also recognise that that doesn’t help. Sometimes it’s a case of, I just have to let it go and prioritise.
- Self Care – “I’ve learned that, if I don’t feel up to it, then it’s probably better that I take the time out to look after myself, and then start again when I’m feeling fresher, because otherwise I just ruin the rest of the week. If I have a day when I’m just not feeling well, and I try and push myself through it, I know that I’m going to take longer to heal. I’ve learnt that lesson over the years. It’s been a hard one, because I know when I was working full-time as an employee, that I would push and push and push myself until I really wasn’t well. It just isn’t worth it.”
- Be in the Moment – “that just being in the moment for me is really important, enjoying every moment, and staying in it, not worrying about what happened yesterday. I really found that living in the moment and enjoying it and just noticing what is around me, and even if it is a black cloud that I’m looking out at the sky when I’m talking to you, even that, the movement in the air, the trees swaying in the breeze, they’re things that sometimes we forget to do because we’re so busy rushing around.”
To Contact Wendy
- http://www.copewelltherapies.co.uk (Pop-up on bottom right that says ‘How can I help’ which people can use to just make an appointment to have a chat or just have a session with Wendy).
- The Relationship Therapist on Facebook
Jo Dodds: Today I'm interviewing Wendy Capewell of Copewell Therapies. Hi Wendy. How are you?
Wendy Capewell: Hi Jo. I'm very well. It's a bit gloomy out there, but you never mind. It's how we feel on the inside, isn't it really?
Jo Dodds: Exactly.
Wendy Capewell: If we let the weather affect us, we'd never do anything.
Jo Dodds: We're having to try very hard at the moment, aren't we, with the weather? And we are in July nearly August, aren’t we?! Great to have you with me today. If you could start by telling us a bit about you, what you do and where you do it?
Wendy Capewell: I'm a life coach and I concentrate mainly on building confidence, especially with women. I find in the last 10 years in my work that a lot of the problems that people suffer is based on lack of self-esteem and confidence. I think if I can help that, it helps improve people's lives. It could be either in a personal life or in a relationship or perhaps in their business, in their work. Where do I do it? I do it mainly at home, although I do run workshops, and I do some public speaking as well. I have quite a nice variety in my life really.
Jo Dodds: Excellent. What's a typical day look like for you? I always love when I ask that question, because there never is a typical day, is there, but give us an idea of the sorts of things that you're doing.
Wendy Capewell: I tend to focus on working with clients on specific days. That means I'll book all my clients in just several days, and it can be evenings as well, so that I'm more functional and I'm more organised. Then I tend to try and have Mondays and Fridays off, so I'll have a nice long weekend, but one of those days can be for doing admin, marketing, things like that. The other day, sometimes it can be just a day off so that I can enjoy things and I don't have to worry about cramming things all in at the weekend.
Jo Dodds: Is that something that you did for a particular reason at some stage or have you always worked in that way, working the sort of 3 days with the clients?
Wendy Capewell: Generally I found that I was trying to satisfy my clients' needs rather than ... and work around them, which made my life pretty disjointed. I wasn't very focused then or very organised. I would find that I didn't get things done particularly well. By having more focus and organising my week better, I find that I get more done, and I'm better organised too.
Jo Dodds: Yes. Yeah. That's interesting. I try this or that sometimes, and have my diary so that you can only book into certain days. Then something comes along like this podcast for example, and I've got limited time to get them done, so then I open the diary up and find that I'm using all the days and earlies and lates and then think exactly what you said, that it doesn't help you be organised and live the life that you want to live. You end up being very reliant on everyone else calling the tune. I think it's really interesting to hear that you're batching, if you like, that client-facing work into the middle of the week. What about getting yourself set up on days? Do you have a morning routine? Does it differ
depending on whether you're with clients or not, or is just sort of take it as it comes?
Wendy Capewell: It can differ. If it's days when I'm seeing clients, then that could be very much focused, because it's the preparation. It's the seeing them. I work from home, so they come to my home generally. Then it's notes, ensuring that my notes are up to date, and any more research I need to do. It's very much focused on that really. I tend to do a bit of admin in amongst it as well if I have the time. The other days, it just depends. Like we said before, we started this morning, it's Monday morning, and it's my day kind of thing. I'm not in my business mode, so I haven't got myself in that mode yet. It will be doing some admin, maybe some housework, which is the boring stuff, but it has to be done sometime. Yeah, there's some of that.
Jo Dodds: What about in the morning? Do you get up at a certain time, and do you always have breakfast, or do you not have breakfast? Do you do any particular sort of, I don't know, meditation or anything like that? Not something that I've managed to do yet, but some of the people I've interviewed do.
Wendy Capewell: Yeah. I tend to get up about the same time, more or less, between 7 and 8 o’clock in the morning. I don't feel I have to get up any earlier. I've done that corporate stuff of getting up at 6:00 in the morning and rushing through traffic. Now I find that I don't have to do that, so I'm enjoying that now. I do have breakfast every morning. I do do some exercise. I may go for a walk. Yes, I like to get myself prepared for the day. I guess not meditation, but those positive thoughts about how my day is going to be and looking forward to it. I like to start my day feeling positive, and generally I do, because I do love my life and I'm really passionate about what I do too, so that all helps.
Jo Dodds: Then as we move into the day, how do you make sure you get everything done? Do you have particular ways of managing your tasks? Do you have a to-do list? Does it really rely on the client appointments? How does that run?
Wendy Capewell: Yeah, I do focus very much. I have a to-do list, and I work through that. I use an app which I find is quite good. It's called Asana, A-S-A-N-A, and I use that for my own tasks, but I also use it in conjunction with someone who helps me with my online marketing. He will set up the tasks, remind me what I need to do, and then I can put that, whatever I've done, into the app. Then he can pick it up straight from there rather than using emails. It means that all my tasks are listed, and you can list them under different projects too. If it's business or personal or a particular area, then you can put those things in there. Say I was running a workshop. I'd have to list all those tasks that I needed to do to put that workshop together.
Jo Dodds: I love Asana. I've used that in the past. Yes.
Wendy Capewell: Yeah.
Jo Dodds: Yeah. It's particularly good for collaboration, isn't it, and it's very flexible and quite user-friendly from when I remember first setting that up. How long have you been using it?
Wendy Capewell: I've only started using it recently. I'm finding it helpful. It does focus me. It makes me remember those things I set down that I said I'd do. Sometimes someone tells us, "Oh, that's a really good idea," or they come up with a good suggestion, but we tend to forget it. If I type it straight in there, I know it's there, and I know I've got to do it. It sets that memory jogger. Pieces of paper get lost. I seem to have pads all around the house where I scribble things down and then forget them.
Jo Dodds: I quite liked going over to technology, because I could easily forward things to tomorrow that I wasn't intending doing today, whereas on paper it didn't disappear. I could see that I'd not done that, but now I'm not so sure it works so well on that. I think sometimes it makes it too easy to put things off and rearrange yourself rather than actually do the task.
Wendy Capewell: Yes. I agree with you there.
Jo Dodds: Then what about ...
Wendy Capewell: There’s always a way of being able to procrastinate, isn't it?
Jo Dodds: Yes, exactly, a technological way to procrastinate. What do you do at the end of the day? Do you have a shut-off between work and evening, and do you have any particular evening routine?
Wendy Capewell: It just depends on the day, because if I'm seeing clients, which I do 3 evenings a week, I can work until quite late, say 9:00 or 9:30. I find I'm quite good at shutting off between clients. My routine is generally just sitting and chilling. Sometimes I do watch rubbish TV, and there's plenty of that to choose from, that's for sure, or maybe reading a book that is not work-related, or listening to some music. I do like to chill and just unwind before I go to bed. I think that's really important to be able to do that.
Then other evenings, I might do my hobby. One of my hobbies is painting or drawing. I believed as a child, I was hopeless at art. I was always told I was hopeless at art, thought I could only do stick men and so on. About 7 years ago, I decided to join an art class and see if I could be taught how to paint and draw. I really, really love it. I find it's a great way of unwinding. I'm in a nice group of people where it's a different pace, different interests. It's something I'm really enjoying, and I can actually produce some reasonable pieces of work now. That is really nice.
I've also joined a Toastmasters group, which I'm going to ... I'm doing my first talk this evening. I wanted to be able to present public speaking better, which I'm doing more of now, so I thought I'd join the Toastmasters. Whilst it could be quite formal and very, very structured, and I had to get my head around it a bit, but I also find it great fun. They're a really friendly group of people, very, very supportive. I'm doing my, what they call, the icebreaker speech this evening, which is my first speech in the list of speeches that they give you to improve your speeches.
Jo Dodds: How long is it for, the icebreaker?
Wendy Capewell: It's only about 6 minutes. It's nothing too daunting. It's just introducing myself so that others get to know me. It's just that introduction to the speeches. All the different speeches have different kind of ways of improving your speaking, so it can be about timing. It might be about intonation. It might be about movement. It's all different things, so that you can improve certain areas of your speaking so that everything gets encompassed then.
Jo Dodds: That sounds interesting. I was at a conference a couple of weeks ago, an organisation called EVCOM who are a membership organisation in the creative sector, so videographers and event planners and so on. They had a really good speaker who I'm going to not be able to remember his name, which if I can remember, I'll look him up and put him on the show notes. He gave a lot of information about how to prepare for speaking and so on. He's an actor, as well as a speaker, but one of the things he talked about was about, firstly, about when you get that adrenaline when you're really nervous before you speak, to go and press against the wall as if you were trying to push the wall over, and do that 3 or 4 times.
That helps to use up the adrenaline, if you like, to get you a bit calmer. The other one was to ... What did he call it? Something like to bash yourself or something. It was to hit your chest and your cheeks and your throat sort of thing before you speak so that it opens up and gets blood flowing to the areas where you need it, to be able to speak clearly and more confidently. I thought you can only really do that when you're behind the curtain or in a room on your own. You can't really do it right in front of everybody.
Wendy Capewell: You'd have to go and hide in a corner as you say, somewhere, so that you could do it. The other thing that they say is really good is to do a power stance, a bit like Wonder Woman, so that you really pump yourself up and get yourself in that frame of mind that you're positive. I don't have the outfit, I have to say, though, Jo.
Jo Dodds: Yeah. He said to do a similar thing. He didn't mention Wonder Woman. I did always want to be Wonder Woman when I was young, so maybe I'll have to have a think about that as well. Brilliant. You mentioned that you like to read books and listen to music in the evening, and non-work books. Non-work music, I don't know if that is an option or not. What sort of books do you like? Have you got any particular recommendations or any music recommendations?
Wendy Capewell: Wow. Books, it will be a novel. I think the novels I enjoy, which are very lighthearted, are books about people. They can be just evolving people. I don't know if I have any particular authors, but I'll just pick on something that I really enjoy. It's almost mindless really, so that I don't have to think too deeply. Music, I've recently discovered Spotify. I really love that, because you can just pick from an era or a particular artist or just choose the type of music, so that you want relaxing music or if you want something to ... dance music to get you in the mood. It's free. I just love being able to plug in my tablet or my phone, yeah, and just play it, and whatever I'm in the mood for. That has been a great thing to do, for me anyway.
Jo Dodds: It's great how that's all changed. I think to a couple of years ago when all my CDs were piled up in the sitting room, and I used to have to go and physically choose whichever one I'd want to listen to, which was always too much effort. The difference between that, and as you say, having it on your phone or your iPod or your computer or whatever, and just being able to just choose whatever music, it's one of the advantages of modern technology, I guess, along with all the downsides.
Wendy Capewell: Yes. Yeah.
Jo Dodds: You talked about Asana being a tool, an app, that you're using. Are there any other tools or apps that you use that you think would be worth sharing, might be useful for other people?
Wendy Capewell: There may be some that people already know about, but I found Scannable, being able to ... It's an app that I have which means that I don't have to collect business cards at network meetings. I can just scan it. It then goes into my contact details. I guess there are several that you can download, but it's really useful, because I don't know about you, but I end up with all these business cards. I can't remember who anybody is. I can't remember anything. If they're on LinkedIn, you actually get the LinkedIn collection on your phone too. It means that you're not carrying loads of stuff around, and you can actually, "Ah, that's who that person is."
Jo Dodds: Do you do what I do? Do you take their cards, scan it, and give it back to them, because I always don't want to waste their cards for them, but then I think sometimes they might not realise quite what I'm doing, and think I'm being a bit rude?
Wendy Capewell: Yeah, the key's explaining it, explaining it. Yeah. Otherwise, people could get quite offended, couldn't they? Yeah. I've started using Twitter more, and the one thing that I've started doing is I've got my own hashtag. Someone told me about using your own hashtag. I've made mine up, so that then ... I don't know if again listeners know about that, but if you have your own hashtag, it means that whenever you put a post on, say, Facebook, social media, Twitter, then if they click on that hashtag, it brings up all the articles and posts that are under that hashtag.
Jo Dodds: What's your hashtag?
Wendy Capewell: #unstoppableconfidence.
Jo Dodds: Lovely. Sounds like a good one. I'll have to check that one out. I've just been debating mine with the
Instagram. I set up a new Instagram account for POWER to Live More, and then realised that it's a pain having to log in and log out of my own account or the POWER to Live More account. I was hashtagging with #powertolivemore anyway, so I've decided I'm going to go back to my own Jo Dodds Instagram account, hashtag #powertolivemore when I'm doing anything on behalf of this part of my business, and then set up various automations to share that in various places because of the hashtag. I think hashtags are a good plan. I'm going off on one of my automation traumas that makes everyone switch off.
Wendy Capewell: I don't think so. I always find your newsletters fascinating. I really enjoy. I look forward to reading them, so they're great.
Jo Dodds: Thank you.
Wendy Capewell: The other thing I've just got, and I haven't really used it, although we did use it at a workshop that I ran with a couple of others a month ago now. It's called Periscope.
Jo Dodds: Yes.
Wendy Capewell: It's a way of ... You know about that?
Jo Dodds: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Wendy Capewell: That's a way of recording, and it only stays on there, I think, for about an hour or something ...
Jo Dodds: Yes.
Wendy Capewell: ... but it's a great way of promoting something. I'd like to look .more, because it's around the world, isn't it? It's fascinating that you can just pick up something from someone in another country. The only thing is if they're not speaking English, because I don't have any other languages, so that could be [crosstalk 00:18:53]. [inaudible 00:18:53].
Jo Dodds: And if they're doing a particular boring one. I've been lurking on Periscope. I haven't actually recorded any myself, but I was looking at one the other day. This guy, I don't know where he was, because time scales-wise, it was obviously bedtime. He was literally lying in his bed with his head on his pillow recording something. I can't even remember what he was doing, that sounds a bit rude. He was asking people to ask him questions or something, or he was saying, "Oh, I'm just testing out this or something." I just thought, "You could really have picked something slightly more interesting than you just lying on your bed."
I actually found it ... On Thursday night, I was walking along to the sailing club. My husband sails on the Thursday nights, and I had just gone for a walk down there. It popped up on my phone that Shrewsbury Morris were Periscoping. I clicked into it quickly, and I was able to see [Kathy 00:19:48], who was the pilot podcast interviewee, actually dancing, and her partner playing at the Shrewsbury Morris rehearsal, and actually leave a message as well whilst they were recording. The person who's taking the video was actually saying, "Oh, Jo Dodds says hello." I just thought, "That's so cool," as you say, that you can connect with people wherever just in the moment. Yeah, I think it's a great, great tool, a great app as well. We'll have to challenge each other to go and actually record one.
Wendy Capewell: Yes. Yeah. That's something I want to do more of. I'm doing more videos and so on. I got quite nervous to start with, but I think it gets easier as we do more and more of them. I think the pressure is off more now, because whereas everybody had to feel that they had to have a professional video and make sure that it was all perfect, nowadays I think people are much happier to be able to just do their videos and it's very casual. I think it makes people feel more comfortable, because you're getting to know the person.
It doesn't matter if you make a mistake. It's getting to know that person more and understanding more. I'm thinking much more relaxing. It feels more comfortable for me. Yeah, sometimes I'll pop in the garden with my selfie stick and do a little video about something or other. Yeah, I just think, "Okay, it's good enough," and that's all it has to be really. Just to help more people, that's what it's all about.
Jo Dodds: Brilliant. I'll have to take a leaf out of your book. I still struggle with that. As you know, I'm doing my newsletters on YouTube now at the weekend. I've done 2 now, which I've just about coped with, but I still find it very traumatic. Even though I speak at the drop of a hat anyway in front of however many people, actually recording it on my own, that it's good enough thing, I have to keep reminding myself, and not keep re-recording it.
Wendy Capewell: Yeah. Yeah. The other thing that I've started using is PowToon. It's an animation program, and you can use it free. You can post your animation. I've got it as an introduction. I've made an introduction on my website using PowToon. It's fun to use. If you enjoy technology and using these little characters and so on, it's great fun. It's a bit fiddly. Sometimes there's a few bleeps in it, but if you can get over that, it's great fun to use. The thing is that you can also ... You can post it on YouTube free. You can post it on Facebook for free. You can post it on Twitter. If you post it on Twitter, the people who run PowToon will actually retweet it for you, so you get additional exposure there. That's quite a tip if you feel that way of doing stuff.
Jo Dodds: Yeah. What did you say it's called again? Power to?
Wendy Capewell: No, PowToon, P-O-W-T, double O, N.
Jo Dodds: Okay. PowToon, excellent. Great. That's a really good recommendation. I'll have to go and check that one out. Moving away from work a bit again then, what about relaxation and keeping healthy? What sort of things do you do there?
Wendy Capewell: Relaxation, as I said, I love my art and doing things like that. I went to an art event on last Thursday up in London which was great, watching other artists and watching their techniques and learning a bit more about that. We then went on to Camden Market, a group of us, and had a wander around there, which was great fun. I love exploring London and places like that. I love travel. When I get the opportunity, I just love traveling, and it's one of my real passions. I do have quite a lot of adventures. I don't go to posh hotels and live in luxury. I'm happier going to a cheap hotel or backpacking even.
Jo Dodds: I had a feeling that the adventures comment there had apostrophes around it. Sometimes it's positive
adventures. Sometimes it's not. Would that be fair?
Wendy Capewell: Yeah, but you know what, I found that even those things, when I've been lost or things haven't gone my way, that's really helped build my confidence, because I just have the attitude much more now, "Well, what's the worst that can happen?" I just find that I have had some exciting times and some really fun times and met some really interesting people. I love doing that when I get the opportunity. What else do I do? I love meeting up with friends. I love exploring, just going to different events and trying new things. Yeah, bring it on. It's almost like everything is new, everything's exciting, and I try not to say, "No, I can't do it." I say yes, and worry about it afterwards. I find that I've had so many opportunities that have come to me just by opening my heart and my mind to new things and trying them out.
Jo Dodds: Wow. I think I probably need to do a bit more of that, although traveling, I don't think I'll ever be an adventurous traveller.
Wendy Capewell: [inaudible 00:25:18].
Jo Dodds: What about the ...
Wendy Capewell: Go ahead.
Jo Dodds: What about the keeping healthy bit? Do you do particular ... You talked about exercise before. What particular things do you do to keep fit? Do you eat in a certain way? Do you make sure you get enough sleep? How do you look after yourself?
Wendy Capewell: Oh, yeah, exercise, I don't ... Mainly it's walking and stretching and things like that. I am not very good at doing exercise as such. I don't go to the gym. That bores the hell out of me. I've tried it in the past. I don't go to exercise classes, but I do ... Yes, I do enjoy walking. I like gardening too. I've got a very tiny garden, but even that is exercise, because it always needs attention somewhere or another. Eating, I've been a vegetarian since I was 4, which was absolute hell when I was growing up, because people didn't cater for vegetarians when I was a child.
Jo Dodds: No, I can imagine.
Wendy Capewell: Now, I love vegetarian food. There's so many nice foods around, recipes and restaurants cater for me. I find that I can eat really healthily. I'm very conscious of what I put into my body. I tend not to buy ready meals. I'll cook for myself. I live on my own, so that means I can eat what I want when I want really. Yeah, I do like cooking from scratch, because I like to know what's in the food.
Jo Dodds: [crosstalk 00:27:01]. When you were vegetarian at such a young age, was that your choice or was it your parents?
Wendy Capewell: No, it was my choice.
Jo Dodds: Really? At 4? Wow.
Wendy Capewell: [crosstalk 00:27:10]. Yeah, I can't prove it because my parents are dead, but I had a light bulb moment after they died which said, at the age of 4, I had polio. I was in an isolation hospital for several months. I became a vegetarian at 4. I always wonder whether it was a control thing. You abandoned me, and therefore I'm going to punish you, and I'm not going to eat what you want me to eat, and I'm going to make life difficult for you. A 4 year old, I think, is quite capable of thinking that way, because we know that they can be very difficult about what they want to eat, but I did wonder that. Yes, it was my choice, so quite an interesting one too.
Jo Dodds: [crosstalk 00:27:54] as much as them at the time, because it wasn't so popular whenever that was. It was much harder to do, wasn't it?
Wendy Capewell: Yeah, very much. I do eat regularly, make sure that even when I've got clients, I set aside a time to have lunch and trying to eat it without doing things, because I think we get into that habit of multitasking, and then we don't notice what we're eating. That can lead to eating all the wrong foods as well. I do really try and book that, the meal times, in with my calendar so that I don't have ... I do find that I make sure I have a proper time so I have breaks. Sleep, yes, I love my sleep anyway, so I do go to bed at a reasonable time. I make sure that I get a good healthy sleep in as much as possible. I don't function if I'm really tired, so it isn't worth it.
Jo Dodds: Yeah, it's funny. Yesterday talking about, as you say, being aware of making sure you eat properly or making sure that you have breaks and so on, is something that I talk about, but we don't always follow our own advice, do we? I was recording some of my blog posts yesterday on to audio so that I could put them on to SoundCloud and iTunes. I think I did 5 or 6 in a row, and the last one, I re-recorded so much of it that I realized that I needed to stop, which wasn't surprising, because clearly that took quite a period of time to do. It was a real reminder of the fact that you do have to take breaks, because your energy levels drop and just your ability to do things in the right way to the same standard definitely changes. That's a really good example.
Wendy Capewell: Yeah. Definitely. I agree.
Jo Dodds: What about learning and improving yourself? It sounds like you're quite proactive in that regard, doing things like picking up the art that you're doing, and you were talking about some of the apps that you've picked up. Clearly you're keeping your eyes and ears open for things. How do you do that?
Wendy Capewell: Part of it is ... Some people frown on Facebook, but I find that some of the groups there can be really good. I'm actually part of a therapist group. There's lots of people exchanging information and offering advice. Those kinds of things I can pick up from there. I also pick up your tips, because you've usually got a little nugget in there somewhere in your newsletter. I search for it.
Jo Dodds: [crosstalk 00:30:32] Hidden at times.
Wendy Capewell: That kind of thing. I think from a learning perspective of my business, then I do attend workshops and read and so on to improve my knowledge, because I think that's really important, to keep up to date so that I can provide the best possible service. Continued professional development is really important for me. I do belong to associations and have memberships, and they demand that too, and I want to make sure that I'm giving the best possible service to my clients. Yeah. I just enjoy it, because I learn something all the time.
Jo Dodds: Yeah. What about all of this stuff if things don't go right? You get up thinking the day's going to run smoothly, and all the work that you're putting in, and your focus is all on things going well, and then it doesn't quite go right. How do you deal with that?
Wendy Capewell: I've learnt not to beat myself up. I can get frustrated, but I also recognize that that doesn't help. Sometimes it’s a case of, I just have to let it go and prioritize. If something really has to be done, then I'm going to have to put the effort in to get that thing done. Yeah, life has a habit of doing that. You get a sudden phone call from a family member who needs some help, or your computer crashes and you can't get into it, or you just don't feel well. I've learned that, if I don't feel up to it, then it's probably better that I take the time out to look after myself, and then start again when I'm feeling fresher, because otherwise I just ruin the rest of the week.
If I have a day when I'm just not feeling well, and I try and push myself through it, I know that I'm going to take longer to heal. I've learnt that lesson over the years. It's been a hard one, because I know when I was working full-time as an employee, that I would push and push and push myself until I really wasn't well. It just isn't worth it. Although being self-employed has its downfalls, because we have to be everything to everybody, and manage everything unless we outsource it, there is that advantage that we can say, "Actually, I can't do that today, so I'm going to take time out for me."
Jo Dodds: Yes. Yeah. I think we sometimes forget that, or as you say, we push ourselves because of the fact that we are the main person to do most of it. Sometimes it is nice to actually stop and think, "Actually the reason I'm doing this is so that I can have that flexibility," and not to feel guilty as well, isn't it? I'd say that I often do my singing in the middle of the day, and then I sort of think, "I really should get on with my work." I know singing's really good for me, and it's probably better to do it when there's no one else in the house as well for their sakes.
On a day when you end the day knowing you've had the chance to live more, and as you know, I talk about being able to do the things you want to do, rather than the stuff that you need to do or you have to do, what have you done? What's that perfect day for you if you get the chance to do what you want to do?
Wendy Capewell: That's a big question. I think every day I just ... The thing is that I have very few days that I don't enjoy myself. That's a tough one, Jo. I love the work I do. There are the odd occasions when I get frustrated working with clients. They could bring some issues that are difficult to deal with, or they aren't in a place to make the changes, so I can feel their frustrations too. That could be difficult, but when I see changes in people, when I see them improving their lives, I just get such a high from it. I enjoy that.
I love being able to do what ... Yeah. Every day is just good. I am so lucky. It might sound a bit cheesy, but no, I do enjoy my life and I make sure that I enjoy my life. I'm very fortunate as much that I very rarely get up and feel low. It just is that just being in the moment for me is really important, enjoying every moment, and staying in it, not worrying about what happened yesterday, and oh, I did that wrong and screwed that up, and how awful, and I'm useless, because that doesn't help us. Fortune telling into the future, what might happen tomorrow, I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, so there doesn't seem any point.
I'm not saying I don't plan things for the future, but I don't spend my time worrying about it. I really found that living in the moment and enjoying it and just noticing what is around me, and even if it is a black cloud that I'm looking out at the sky when I'm talking to you, even that, the movement in the air, the trees swaying in the breeze, they're things that sometimes we forget to do because we're so busy rushing around. Yeah, every day is good for me, all.
Jo Dodds: That's great to hear, and I think that is a really key point to make, which is that bit about living in the moment. It's something I've been working on more recently, because I do tend to be thinking constantly about what's happened, what's going to happen, and particularly around spending time with little Doddsy. I'm really trying to really appreciate those moments, because I know that they just don't last that long, and before you know it, she'll be up and away. It's just about trying to remember what it was like. If you weren't really there at the time, you can't really remember it either, can you?
Wendy Capewell: No. I think that's a sadness, because we're always worrying about the children, especially they're in that phase, and I can't wait for them to get over it. Then we forget to enjoy them, and we get so hung up as parents about getting it right. I think there's always that thing as well. In the media, I hear it so often on the radio. Oh, well, it's nearly the weekend, or on TV, they're advertising the programs for next week. I think, "Will you stop rushing my life? I'm enjoying it now." I don't want to be thinking about next week, or we're over the hump day. Yeah, but why not enjoy the part of the day that we're in? If we're not enjoying it, we need to make changes to enjoy it. Are we in the right job? Are we doing what we really want to do? I know not everyone can do that, but try and enjoy it, as the best bits that you do enjoy.
Jo Dodds: Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Wendy, we've come to the end of the interview. I've really enjoyed it. You've given some great ideas, tips, hints, and some good apps and tools, and some links that we can put into the show notes. Really appreciate your time today. How can people find out more about you and connect with you? Where would you like them to go?
Wendy Capewell: You can find me on my website, which is www.copewelltherapies.co.uk. I'm also on Facebook but I think the links to all of my websites though. I could give them to you. You could post them on your page or something.
Jo Dodds: Yes, please do.
Wendy Capewell: I'm not sure how you do that, but yeah, I'll let you have that. I'm also on LinkedIn, so you can find me quite readily. I'm always up for chatting to people. I have got a contact page on my little pop-up on my website which people can just make an appointment to have a chat or just have a session with me, but yeah, I'm always happy to chat to people and find out more about them, or they can find out more about me. Yeah.
Jo Dodds: Brilliant. Thank you so much.
Wendy Capewell: Thank you, Jo. It's been a pleasure chatting to you this morning.